Week 8 – How It Works – Step 4 – Resentment – Part 2


[READ: Page 64, Paragraph 3 → Page 66, Paragraph 2]

After we have listed people, institutions and principles in the first column, we come to the second column and look at the cause. What did they do? We put the answer beside each resentment. Again we go from top to bottom. What was the cause of that resentment? And we all remember that. If we didn’t know this, we wouldn’t remember the name. We all have that information. There may be one cause by one name and several causes by another name.

For instance in Bill’s example, he is resentful at Mr. Brown and the cause is: his attention to my wife; told my wife of my mistress; and Brown may get my job at the office. I’d get a little upset with Brown, too. He’s mad at Mrs. Jones: she’s a nut; she snubbed me; she committed her husband for drinking and he’s my friend; she’s a gossip. He’s mad at his employer: he’s unreasonable, unjust, overbearing (he probably said, “Bill, where the hell were you Monday anyhow?”); He also threatens to fire me for drinking and for padding my expense account (now that’s unreasonable). He’s mad at his wife; she misunderstands and nags; she likes old Brown; and she wants the house put in her name. Now you tie together liking Brown and wanting the house in her name and it’s about time to get a little upset here.

Very carefully beside each name, from top to bottom, we list the cause. I’ve never seen an alcoholic yet who does not only know whom they are mad at, but we know exactly why and what we’re mad at. All we’ve got to do is take it out of our head and put it down on a piece of paper. When we finish Column 2, I think we’re going to realize something. It’s not really with those people we’re upset, it’s what they did to us that got us upset. So the first thing we realize is that it’s not so much the people we’re upset with, it’s what they’ve done to us that got us upset. This is very valuable information. We’re going to need that after awhile.




When you have completed your list (and not before) you must analyze each resentment.
Step Four will mean very little unless you come to understand each resentment and learn from it. The following procedure has proven helpful in this understanding and analysis:

  1. The columns on each page are labeled as follows:
  • Column 1: “Name”
  • Column 2: “Cause”
  • Column 3: “Affects my”
  • Column 4: “What is the exact nature of my wrongs, faults, mistakes, defects, shortcomings?
  1. Take the first name from your “grudge list” and write it in Column 1 on the first page.
  2. In Column 2, write a few words which describe each and every event or circumstance you can recall which causes you to resent the person named in Column 1. This is a very important part of the analysis. We learn from specific events, not general complaints.

FOR EXAMPLE: We learn little from the complaint that “He was always lying”. But we learn much from a specific “He told me he wasn’t married”.

ASSIGNMENT: Read Page 66, Paragraph 3, to Page 67, Paragraph 1, and be prepared to discuss any problems you may be having with the Second Column with the group next week.

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